Life seems better today. In the midst of it all I have to find something positive to focus my energy on. I find it really easy with recent fatigue to let things eat at me. Tear me down. Ruin me. "I hate my life!" really means I hate work, bc work is my life.
I use to have bigger dreams. I use to want so much. I talked to my friend last night about how my dreams have changed. I think that's a lot of wear my unhappiness is stemming from. I took this job bc I wanted to work at a place I enjoyed. I'm glad I did i've grown up bc of this position. I use to be niece and immature. I want to love it but I can't help but remember how I use to feel. I felt alive like I was making a stamp on my soul. Writing, music, spirituality THAT was me. It seems I woke up one day with bills, married, responsibilty and with those wonderful things I forgot what makes Mandy happy. What can Mandy do to make Mandy happy?
Smoking cigarettes, taking aderals and starvation was never in the picture.
Wants, dreams, needs change with age. I get that. Is it wrong to want that back? To take a step back and reevaluate myself? It is when you're up to your neck in bills. Writing won't pay the bills, and I certainly don't have the time to write my book.
God does amazing things for everyone on a daily basis. I have to remind myself that He will do wonderul things for me too. I just have to pray.
My stubborn mouth just won't move.
No comments:
Post a Comment