Continuing through a war of good and...Ana

I listen to the words of gospel. Listen to the harmony that surpasses my soul. I respond numbly in the mind, longing in the heart. Like hearing opera for the first time, my eyes swell with passion. My mind tells me, "No!" My stomach is concaved. People are starting to notice. When once that's what I wanted, now I feel the need to hide. Embarassed. Ashamed. "There's no turning back now. You've come this far." Sometimes you have to take steps back to see the steps forward. I feel that's where I am now. Looking desperately ahead. Agonizingly seeking my path to be lit clearly for me to follow. It's foggy and damp. The cold air around me makes me friction my hands together. "Sleep." A voice chilled whispers. "You'll wake up and feel better." So I go yet another day without eating. My ridiculous rationalizing tells me fasting is what buddist do to gain enlightment. Nirvana. My heart is telling me this is bull shit. So the battle continues, and I'm in a losing streak.