"Why?"

Finding a remedy for my anxiety today is harder than swallowing pills with a dry mouth.
Today has been yet another test for strength. I'm exhausted, and my next day off isn't until Thursday. I'm actually excited about closing tomorrow. I get to sleep in. I'm not excited about the workload I'm up against.
My store is in shambles. I hate the holidays in retail.
So I stopped at starbucks for a coffee and a handful of cigarettes before I head home. My anxiety was too bad to drive with. There's too much to do I feel like I need to work an over nighter just to get everything done.
I did yoga yesterday.
At the beginning of class they always ask what your intention is for the session. My intention was to find peace. The instructor asked rethorically why we do these strenuous postures just to end up on the ground. She said because for most of us that's what it takes to finally be able to truly relax.
My life is like this. I kill myself and strain in ackward situations just to be able to come down. My struggle is coming down. Truly saying "I'm done" and come down. I need to write more of my book. I need to do more yoga.
"Why do you practice?" Because the physically struggle in yoga is equivalent to the mental struggle of my day. In a weird way after yoga I feel balanced. I need balance in my life.
I can't balance my work, my friends, my family...
It's all so overwhelming.