Throbbing. Pulsating. Agonizing.
I hate migraines.
I hate periods.
I hate bloating.
I hate water weight.
I hate being fat.
Fuck this shit!
I'm further away from my goal now. Now that I started my period.
The good news is, is ever time this happens I become more and more determined. More focused. I binge and purge for two days at the beginning of "my time" then I snap. Like literally someone throws me a sucker punch like, "What the FUCK are you doing?!?" Then I come back.
Battered, bruised, fat, but focused!
Christmas is 1 week away, and I have to get ready. Pictures will be taken, and I want people to see them and go, "Wow! She's lost weight!" I want to be admired. I want to people to be jealous. I can't go in front of those lenses any more than 109. I'm kicking myself for not taking pictures at my sisters baby shower. When I WAS 109. It seems so far away, but I was there just 1 week ago. 1 week ago I was falling out of my skinny jeans. Now I feel the bulge of this gross stomach. My ovaries fuck everything up! Lol
I found out yesterday another manager tried to get me fired at work. Tried to say I was stealing from the company! I'm so angry. Angry because of such a lie, a lie that could have cost me my job! That's a HUGE accusation to make. Honestly I don't see how someone wouldn't be fired for obviously lying about something like that! SHE should be fired for slander! I've been with this company for almost 4 years! How DARE she! Especially ME, someone who goes out of their way for everyone. Who's outgoing, positive, and sweet to everyone! Especially this person. I never would have thought. It drives me crazy. Wondering why... Why would someone lie? What have I done? To make someone viciously attack my character! My boss says it's jealousy. Really? There's a lot of people I'm jealous of. Do you see me trying to ruin their lives?! Come on. Karma is a bitch though. I will say that, people who fuck with me ALWAYS get what they deserve. I don't have to retaliate, the universe retaliates for me.
So in closing:
Fuck you, you fat fucking whore. You worthless piece of shit. You will get nothing from life. You will forever be miserable, you bitch. Burn in hell.
Kisses,
Mandy
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