Insomnia strikes again

Insomnia Strikes.
It's 1am...I'm trying not to swallow. The razor blade feeling in my throat is unbearable. Purging always makes my throat hurt. It was easy tonight. Too easy. Like an alcoholic, I knew I needed help long before the entire pan of lemon poopy seed muffins and half a bag of doritos. As I was mixing the batter for the muffins I knew. I knew I didn't need to be alone tonight. I put the muffins in the oven, set the timer for 14 minutes. Checked on them 2 minutes later. Then 2 minutes after that. Frantically tapping my hand on the table, spoon ready, rapdily moving my eyes. From the TV to the oven. TV...oven...TV...oven. The timer went off and I jolted for the oven mitt, spoon in one hand. I ate the entire batch in less than 20 minutes. It has to be less than 20, because I'll absorb it after that. I purged. Undressed weighed myself. 111.8 Fuck! Purged...weighed myself. 111.4 Damnit!! Purged...weighed myself. 111.2 Fine. That's what I was when I started. The phone rang, it was my mom. "Are you okay? You sound tired." I lied. What was I supposed to say, "Well I just got done throwing up." talked to her for over an hour. Grabbed the doritos on my way to bed. Ate...purged...undressed...weighed myself. 110.4 Awesome!
I miss my adderrals. I wish I knew where else to buy them. My source is a cock sucking whore, so I can't buy from her anymore. Losing weight is harder now than ever. I'd be happy just to see 108 again. Costa Rica is in 2 weeks, and I'm not even close to my goal weight.
It's so ungodly frustrating.
I need a dentist though. The negatives to purging are starting to show. My back teeth ache all the time. I restricted all day today and only lost 1 pound. Let tomorrow be a miracle! Dear God let me wake up and weigh 109. I promise to go to the gym. I'll burn 1,000 calories if I have to. I just want to weigh less when I wake up!
...
That's if I can go to sleep.