The rain makes me so depressed.
I stare numbly at the windsheild. Eyes slowly moving to the clock. Waiting to go back to work.
My brain needs serious work. I'm battling my demon right now. I ate a bagel with cream cheese. It was good, but now I'm so nauseated. With my knees up, feet on the seat, I wait. God please...I don't want to purge. That 1 bagel with cream cheese was 545 calories! I also had 1/2 protein bar at 65 calories, and 1/2 an applesauce at 25 calories. Now I'm drinking a latte which is 100 calories...That's 735 calories!! At the gym I only burned 200 on the eliptical and stationary bike before weight lifting.
I'm never going to reach my goal weight...
I'm at 110. My body fat is at 14%.
whoop-Dee-fucking-doo...
I don't really like how my body looks when I'm lifting weights. I'm very defined. It looks ugly, but I don't look like that unless I'm lifting weights. I have to tone up. My brain went into defense mode. "You actually LOST weight when you weren't eating. You looked better at 106."
I have a thousand thoughts racing in my head.
I want to lose weight. Costa Rica is literally 6 weeks away!! I have 6 fucking weeks to lose 10 pounds?! How can I do that?? I'm desperate on one side. The other side, the motherly side, says I don't need to. I'm doing this the right way. I'm just not happy...
I know it's a far fetched goal...but it's a goal I made for myself. So I have to reach it.