It has been scientifically proven that it takes you 21 times of doing something before it becomes 2nd nature. Before the new information to be programmed into your brain's hard drive. Proving that people CAN change!
This excites me in so many ways. It means we are destined to succeed if we apply ourselves! Michael Jordan did not make his high school basket ball team. Look at him now? Why? If it was raw talent he would have been able to slam dunk a ball in highschool. He practiced. He reprogrammed the new idea, the information, from the front part of his brain. (The part that panicks and doesn't hold information for long periods of time.) To his hard drive until it became second nature.
I've been saying this for years, that people are still genetically made to think like cave men. Men are drawn to women who are esthetically built to bear more children. (bigger boobs/butt) women are drawn to men who have answers, problem solvers, leaders. The example given to me was a family of cave men are about to be attacked by a saber toothed tiger. The mother instantly grabs up the children. There is a chemical compound in a our bodies that naturally make this happen, forgive me but I can't recall the name. Men have this too, in this situation the father fights off the tiger. Some people lack in this chemical causing, for instance, the mother to instead throw herself on top of her children, killing them all.
So now let's put this into a real time situation. A woman is mad at her husband for not knowing how to fix a problem in their relationship. Men work off details. (How am I to kill this tiger) women work off results(you killing the tiger saves our family.) The husband/boyfriend can change. He must be reprogrammed.
So how does someone help someone reprogram themselves?
People when learning new ideas, or ways, process this information in the front part of their brain. (As mentioned.) people naturally have a panick process as well, where we throw our hands up and say, "I can't do this! I quit!" they shut down. Their central nervous system goes into trauma. People need confidence to believe they can change. Nobody works well, or learns, based on deligation. "You must do this or were breaking up!" instead to build the confidence you would say, "Well what do you think about this?" assisting them into finding the "way" on their own. We all know of these ah-ha moments where things sort of click. 21 tries later (lol) it becomes second nature.
Once you understand why someone reacts in the way they do, it can assist you through communication to find results!
You can't get angry at someone for not "getting/understanding" because you told them a thousand times not to/or to do something. You must take a step back and ask yourself, "Have I traumatized this person with needing results/or too many details causing them to panick. Causing them to shut down?" Try again. This time with a different approach. A gentle, healing, approach. Through building confidence in your partner. Confident people are more determined to change. It's common sense.
Situation #2 little Susie dreams of being a gymnist. She does great a home, but when given the opportunity to try out for a team, she panicks. Flys off the handle. The idea is too traumatizing. She lacks the confidence. So dad in turns comes in a different angle with, "Susie you're an amazing gymnist! You'd be so amazing on the X team."
building her confidence and over time creating a sense of comfort with the new idea, allowing the information, or idea, to trasnfer from the front part of her brain to the hard drive(the back). Susie has her ah-ha moment.
So in my particular situation (The ED) this gives me hope! That I CAN change. That I will not be stuck in this disease forever. It is not a life sentence. I need to be patient with myself and these new ideas of change. To coax my central nervous system to not panick, by regaining my confidence!
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