I haven't purged in a long time.
Tonight though, i have lost hope.
Hope that maybe things are getting brighter. That I can get through this.
Today I realized that I not only lost my daddy, but my mama too. She is not the same woman she was when dad was alive. She's no longer caring, giving, nuturing. Today she told me, "I love you kids, but I have to take care of me." that was with me calling in deep depression. God forbid I reach out to her for emotional support.
My restricting is getting worse/better. I lasted until 10:30 tonight without a morsel of food. Depression takes my appetite away. After I ate though I asked myself, "Why?" why bother staying "healthy"? I stopped purging when my mom and sister showed concern, but where are they now? Ive gained weight to make them happy, and now they've moved on. No longer concerned about me. Everyone was so concerned about my purging, I went to restricting all day binging at night. Binging due to my habit of knowing I could just throw it up, but I didn't. For a month.
My depression has deepened and nob